Bitterness was one of those dreadful stages that I have been, or maybe unfortunately still in, in my life. I can’t tell. It is those times when you couldn’t even bring yourself to talk to that person, let alone look at them. Even a little conversation, or a simple touch, was the last thing you wanted. Why? Because the memories start rushing back, and so were the feelings that you had. Happiness, love, sadness, anger. And just when you thought you have moved on, right? It’s already difficult to move on, but to stay that way is much, much harder. And I was never, ever a fan of closure.
And somehow, it tainted me. It’s a smudge that I just can’t erase. Trust me, I’ve tried everything possible. It’s like when you take off a picture frame on a wall that was there for ages, and you can see that box shape in the wall. And no matter how much you clean it up, you can still see and remember that it was there. You’ll remember every single time when you look at it. And sometimes, it’s too painful.
I do admit, I still feel sad. I still feel that I was a piece of furniture through it all, a crack in a wall. Yes I got hurt, but that doesn’t mean I stop trying. It will take time, so much time maybe, I’ve already had enough time. And it will all be okay, it will all be fine. I don’t know when, someday.