Some of you might know how this feels, but for some who doesn’t, the word painful is not even enough to suffice the feeling that you get you are second choice. There’s the feeling of being atelophobic, the fear of being not good enough. You’re the second string, the option, the fallback. I could list a mouthful of words of grief, depression, anger and whatnot, but those words would not be enough to describe how hurtful it is to be the second choice.
Yeah, some of you might say, “Well at least you’re still chosen.” Well then may I just say that ARE YOU AN IDIOT? IT HURTS, IT HURTS TOO MUCH.
Now, where is this all coming from, you might ask? I read and watched Something Borrowed, and it’s not a matter of I-can-relate-so-I’ll-rant-about-it. It partially is, but that’s not the point of this entire blog post.
Are you that martyr to settle that you’re only his second choice? You might deserve someone better, who’ll treat you right, like his first and only choice. The answer? Yes. There are some daft people who actually accept their fate. And what do you get? A daily dose of someone stabbing your heart and turning it, and you embrace it like your prodigal son returning. And you wait for it’s much-anticipated return into shattering you all over again, hoping for a miracle that the first choice was gone and it’s your time. Seriously? Who wants to win by default? Beauty queens could settle for that, but in love? Geez, let’s build a statue for your sake. Either he doesn’t love you more than you do, or he’s much of an idiot not to realize it. This shit happens. The unfortunate ones who experience this are torn between doing what’s right and feels right. What do we do, really? The hopeless-romantics say do not raise your white flag! Rachel and Dex made it through. But honestly, does that really happen?
There’s nothing wrong with loving too much, it’s better than not loving enough, because there will be a doubt that you might just not have loved at all. It doesn’t matter how much it hurts, how high the stakes are, how grave the consequences will be. Because you know deep down that you gave your all, and that if it wasn’t enough, you don’t know what is.
And with all that said, I believe I’ll will grow old and alone.