Ah, this topic always gets me every time. I had so much struggle on my feelings before, I couldn’t find the right words to say. And what worries me much more then was should I even bother saying it. There’s always going to be this fear deep inside of you that you couldn’t shake, and yet you still don’t know what the reason of this fear is. But you do know that if you don’t let it out, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. Some regrets and what ifs if you had closure. But yes, you are still too stubborn to let it out.
I’m good at fixing other people’s problems, much less on my own. So here are a few advice that I could give for those who badly need closure:
- Be honest to yourself – You say ‘Yeah you broke my heart, and it hurt really bad, like I want to kill you for doing this to me’ and then in the end you say ‘but I’m fine with it, really’. Who the hell are you fooling?! People may be fickle, but we’re not idiots. When you’re hurt, you’re hurt. You don’t have to pretend to be brave and say that you’re over it, when the next day you’ll be bawling your eyes out with the same problem again. Which brings us to number 2…
- It’s not going to be that easy – Unless you’re a computer, you can never easily recover from this. It’s not something you can just delete from your system as much as you want to. You can’t push yourself to move on. Which is connected to number 3…
- Never, ever use a rebound – It will only bounce back at you, plus you’re hurting another innocent being in the process. Closure is something only you can achieve with the person involved, don’t include someone else.
- It’s not the end of the world – ‘Yes, but it feels like it…’ Of course it does. Think about it this way, you are very lucky to be one of those people who have the capacity to love even without any reciprocation. That’s very brave. You should be proud of yourself.
- There will be someone better – There are billions of people in the world, chances are there’s someone out there for you, you just have to find them in the right place at the right time. Always remember number 3, tho.
- Time does heal – it’s like number 2, but this is something you need to nail in your head to always remember. It’s going to take some time, but when it’s over you’re just going to laugh at it. Trust me.
- Don’t put walls around you – You’re going to need someone there for you in the process, not romantically. Your best friend, your parents, your sister/brother, your dog. I don’t know. You shouldn’t go through it alone. Besides, it’s relieving when you let it out on someone, someone who listens to you and understands you.
- Keep the friendship – it’s better to lose a lover than a friend. Enough said.
- Thank You, Sorry, Goodbye – When making a closure conversation, always keep in mind these three. Say thanks for the good times, express how much you appreciated them. Apologize, he/she wouldn’t be the only one who did something wrong for it not to work out. Don’t be righteous. And of course, the goodbye, since that is your main goal.
- Don’t look back – The more you dwell in the past, the longer and more agonizing the closure process is going to be. It’s in the past because it’s meant to be there. Look at what’s in the now, and look forward. It’s going to be greater, better.