What I’ve Learned About Dating (So Far)

Ironically, just a few days after I made my last blog entry, my life (fine my love life) went from Internet Explorer (meaning totally ignored) to an… eight. There’s always room for improvement. How long since that last entry, anyway? Nevertheless, so far I have learned a few things about this thing called, ehem, it feels awkward saying it, dating.

Now first of all, I’ve never dated before (Just putting that out there. I am a special snowflake ((Not.))). And so this might be a teeny tiny bit biased since I have only one as a reference. I don’t want to be slagging around, or I’m just a complete hermit. And second, I will try to make this entry sound between totally heart and daisies sappy and heartless bitch. No promises.

1. You have to put yourself out there.

As most of you know (talking to the people who personally know me here), I am a lazy ass. I don’t like going out and drinking with my friends and make a singleness pride parade. and I’m assuming some of you are like me too (DON’T LIE TO ME). Some of you complain how such special people you all are haven’t landed any guys or girls yet. How about trying to get yourself out there? I don’t mean promoting yourself like a slut, but a little exposure, if you get my drift. Hang out! Have fun! For girls, the only guys who will find you inside your own house are either perverts or criminals that should be accused of a felony, and I’m pretty sure that those are not your type of guys. Don’t mope around in your chamber, ladies. Tangled is a fiction cartoon movie, and will not likely happen in real life.

2. Practice space.

Let me give two examples via text.

Exhibit A: The socially acceptable use of space.

8:00 am – Good morning! I hope you have a nice day!

12:00 nn – Have to eaten your lunch?

10:00 pm – Good night!

Exhibit B: The creepy as fuck overly attached use of space.

8:00 am – Good morning!

8:10 am – What are you doing?

8:20 am – What about now?

8:30 am – How about now?

Now I know that second one was exaggerated, but you get it. Of course there are conversations that can’t be helped, and that’s okay. Just save some for other times, for the next date perhaps. That way you’ll never run out of things to talk about next time.

3. Dates aren’t supposed to be expensive.

Unless you poop money, or poop an egg that has money inside, then skip this part. Based from what we’ve been doing, hanging out at home isn’t so bad. Probably because we’re frugal and I like to stay indoors, but some of you have those days too right? You could watch movies on HBO, Adventure Time or Dog Whisperer. Read books. Order takeout. You don’t have to spend too much all the time every time you want to spend time together. I guess this is a point for the guys and something that needs to be understood by some girls. We are not gold diggers. (Unless you happen to unfortunately land on one, RUN AWAY WHILE YOU STILL CAN)

4. There are days when the other is busy, so do not panic.

I am a very rare specie of human where I do not worry when he does not text for like, a day. Trust me, I tried. But unlike some of you don’t know, the other person has a life that doesn’t involve, even more so revolve, around you. Let them have that life just like you want yours to be acknowledged. It sounds very apathetic of me, and I hope you all (including him) understand that indifference does NOT always mean lack of affection. If you cannot help it, like there’s a voice inside of you that is bothering you all day, maybe one text of ‘What are you doing?’ or ‘Are you still alive?’ is okay. Besides, if they’re cheating, you are not the one to blame. You did all you could.

5. It’s not everyday you find someone who actually like likes you.

If I’m going to take a good look at myself inside and out, I’m actually very boring and weird. I’m a cave woman. I’m condescending. I like to insult people. Some people think it’s a joke but I’m just really, really mean. I don’t have a social life. I’ve never really done anything exciting in my life. I don’t really have strong opinions on a lot of things. And I’m a Bieber fan. But eventually all of those little perks you have, even if some of them are batshit crazy, are going to look attractive to someone. And they’re not just going to like you for what you show for normality’s sake, but for who you are even if you genuinely suck. They wouldn’t care if you’re a bitch. I’m not the only one who’s like this, right? If they don’t like you with all these things, then you better hit the road.

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