Christmas Wishlists Are So Solipsistic It’s Annoying, So I Made One

Before we all start panicking about the impending death of mankind according to the Mayan calendar (which I do not believe but what the hell I’ll be gullible if I want to be gullible), let us remember the true meaning of this season: Gifts! Okay, I’m totally kidding. But that’s sort of part of it, right?

I don’t usually get what I want for Christmas. I end up getting mugs or picture frames. It’s rude to complain, but mugs?! Picture frames?! Whoever said those were gifts we actually like?! So here is a simple, maybe a little ambitious wishlist for this yuletide season.

1. For people to stop wearing Crocs. They look bad. Really, really bad.
2. Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder to get back together. That’s my dying, Make A Wish wish. I can’t expect people to stop wearing Crocs. It’s not my fault they’re legally blind.
3. Will Grayson, Will Grayson or Let It Snow by John Green
4. The complete Harry Potter book series
5. Or the movies, I’m not picky. Thus the list.
6. The Mortal Instruments series. Because Jaime & Cersei’s incest is not enough for me. Whoops, spoiler.
7. 2013 planner. It doesn’t have to be Starbucks jeez, why did that become so popular? I don’t get it. I’d rather get free gym passes to shed the calories off after all those binge hipster coffee-drinking. Win-win if you ask me.
8. Northanger Abbey or Mansfield Park by Jane Austen. Those two are the only ones left that I haven’t read from her works.
9. Basically any book that is either disturbing, romantic, or disturbing and romantic. Think Nabokov’s Lolita.
10. A pitcher of water, just in case I get lost in the sahara desert.
11. For more smart people in my life.
12. Meet Beyonce. No further explanations needed.
13. Accesories are okay except earrings because I rarely wear those.
14. Cool pens. Pens with erasable ink, pens with furry animals on top, pens I can stab people with.
15. A pet chicken.
16. Brownies. With pot. I’m totally kidding.
17. Schrodinger’s cat.
18. For people to realize the horror that is 50 Shades of Grey. Open your eyes people!!!!!
19. Coldplay.
20. Another chicken to go with my first chicken wish.

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