If I Were Emma Watson

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Ah, Emma Watson. The object of men and women’s fantasies alike. We’ve all seen her grow into a smart, beautiful woman. We all want her and want to be her. I bet she’s in everyone’s boner and lady boner list. And since I am a normal human being, I am one of them. I wish I could have a Freaky Friday moment with her, exchange bodies with her, experience a day in her almost-perfect life. I used almost perfect because there’s always room for improvement. If I did get a chance, here are some things I would do:

1. I Would Not Shut Up

Basically any actor who has a British accent should not shut up at all. These lucky blokes have an accent that suck the life out of me. If I were Emma, I would record my voice and listen to it. I would do audio books. I would chat with everyone I meet. Damn it, I would have my own show. When she had a radio interview, she said she liked hearing the sound of her own voice. See? Even she herself can agree along with the other part of the world that doesn’t have this glorious accent.

2. I Would Do Something Embarrassing

I don’t think Emma has ever done anything remotely embarrassing her entire life. Although there is a catch to this, because after the said embarrassing moment we’ll think “Oh she still looks gorgeous if I had a candid shot like that I’d look like a horse she still looks perfect blah blah”. I won’t do this just so we can feel more inferior or that she’s just like the rest of us, because she’s not okay?! She never will be! So maybe I’ll have to think this one over.

3. I Would Use All My Harry Potter Lines in Real Life

I wouldn’t sound like a complete and total nerd and getting weird stares by people because I have the right to say it, it was my line! What, you don’t know what movie that was from? Which cave did you come from, exactly?

4. I Would Be Completely Unhygenic

This is actually a hypothesis I’m going to test. I know that make-up works wonders for celebrities but I highly doubt Emma needs any help from those at all. And so to prove the perfection that is Emma Watson, when I become her I will not shower. Not brush my teeth. Not brush my hair. And then go out. Let’s see if my boyfriend and the rest of the world still find me beautiful. I bet they would. As for Emma in my body, don’t worry, it gets better.

5. I Would Eat Everything My Eyes Fall Upon

Sorry Emma, I love you but just this once I’d like to stop worrying that everything that enters my mouth will go to my muffin top and thighs. You’d pretty much lose it when we get back to normal anyway, you work out. Let me do one push up and I cry a puddle of tears on the floor. I don’t understand why people like running, I don’t even like walking.

Then again, it’ll get tiring to be her. That is possible! I’ll miss my life, the people in it, the privacy, and my own accent. We find a way to go back to normal, we understand each other and ourselves. At the end of the day, when we’ve already figured out a way to fix our problem using the paper we got from our fortune cookies, I would say thanks for the chance and sorry for the trouble. As we go back to our own bodies, we both sigh in relief and bid our goodbyes. Then while she walks away, unbeknownst to her I will put her on a sack, chloroform her maybe, and kidnap her. We’ll be best friends forever! (Laughs maniacally)

I’m kidding.

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