i entered a place i’ve never been
each step felt like a drag
each pair of eyes gave me a chill
each sound made me jump
i wanted to go back
to the cave i’ve always known
the prison that was my home
but every sound
every pair of eyes
every step
made me stronger
braver
i am free
and that is greater than anything else
~*~
Today, I gathered up the courage to go attend church by myself for the first time. I was a regular and active churchgoer before, but certain events occured. Since then, I have gone to church very seldomly. I know it’s not supposed to be a problem, because you don’t need a church to pray. But I guess I needed to surrender things, things so heavy I never thought I had in me. I’ve been feeling lost, afraid, and confused. It’s like my heart feels so constricted all this time and I don’t even know why. I thought I was a lost sheep too far away for Him to find. And so I went to church, prayed and gave all my worries to God. I was so scared at first, being there alone (please note that I don’t like going out AT ALL), but it went better than I expected. Somehow, I hope, day by day, I find the strength I know I have in me to fight the demons inside.
Airah Writes 