Sometimes I wondered if I got things right the first time
How my life would have been easy
If everything had fallen right into place
Would I have been happier?
Sometimes I wondered if I would have met other people
Who might have made me think, feel, and touch
If I had known them like most people now
Would they think of me as someone who affected that way too?
Sometimes I wondered if I was luckier than I am
Maybe I would have been rich and got a liposuction
If I gave up a part of myself, what makes me, me
Could it be possible for me to have been complete?
Sometimes I wondered if I didn’t fail that last final
Should have studied more and played Rockband less
If I had stayed on higher ground
Would I not know and accept what it feels like to fall?
Sometimes I wondered if I didn’t try to be invisible
Come and go as I pleased
If I had not let anybody in
Would I have loved the solitude I brought to myself?
Sometimes I wondered if I didn’t met you
On that Sunday morning, looking like a mess
If I became less of me and more like everybody else
Would you have noticed or liked me any less?
Sometimes I wondered if I didn’t let you in
And conquer me like the inquisitor like you are
If I had not let go, and just jumped on the ledge
Would I have been happy and sad like am now?
Sometimes I wondered if I had not chosen you
And let that other man in
If I had picked new than my favorite familiar
Would I have been as broken as I am?
Sometimes I wondered if you had moved on
And I wouldn’t want to even know at all
If you had let go while I was grasping too strong
Would I be able to carry and drag you along?
Sometimes, quite often
I do wonder
If all the mistakes
And detours
And roadblocks I had
Were just an open, wide road
One way to the end
Would I have been happy?
Would I have been kind?
Would I have been humble?
Would I have been loved by you?
Airah Writes 