OCD

I raise and put down the sleeves of my sweater
As I wait for you to arrive
Call it nerves, fear or whatever
My composure I had to strive

I pull and let go of my bag to my chest
As the stupid horror movie played
I didn’t know how to act, to be honest
But when you held my hand, it stayed

I curl and uncurl my fist as you
Met my parents for the first time
My anxiety was on a high, you knew
Like I was admitting my crime

I inhale and exhale two, three, four times
When you finally touched my skin
The new feelings, new places, new finds
Never knowing where I end or begin

I look and look every five minutes
Waiting for my phone to ring
Even as I drank with friends, to me it’s
Hoping you’d forgive me again

I gaze from you to the fireworks to you
On that crazy night from December
I couldn’t believe that in that moment I’m with you
On a night I would always remember

I flip and cover myself with my hair
As I heave from my hangover
Feeling a little better when you didn’t care
If I was passed out drunk or sober

I blink so hard every two seconds
When it dawned to me the end was near
I swore I’d think more of the happy moments
But how can you when you’re filled with fear?

I unplug and plug our goddamn wifi connection
To find time and talk to you
Most of the time it ends in frustration
And let the distance get in between us two

I remind and remind myself into thinking
That breaking up was for the best
Even if I am still hurting
I had to lay my pain to rest

I shake my head in disbelief profusely
When you returned to back to me
I laughed and then cried hysterically
Of the turmoil your return brought to me

I slap and slap myself to stop
The recurring idea in my head
That your love for me has dropped
Imagine my lack of surprise when you made us end