Thanks to social media, people around the world are meeting and getting to know each other conveniently. And if you’re lucky and not getting catfished or preyed by 50 year old pervs, you develop a relationship with someone from the other side of the ocean or state. One can’t help it sometimes, it’s relatively hard to find someone you can really connect to in your own land who has the same wavelength as you no matter how weird it is. Fate has its way of making you expand your horizons to find yourself, and who’s to say that it’s not the same as for when you find those special people in your life?
But then reality kindly kicks you in the face with the fact that you are far from each other, and dating is not the same as conventional ones. You try to defend your predicament and say what’s conventional anymore, anyway? We’re living in the new age, anything is possible.
Now some of you might say right now, ‘What does this girl even know about long distance relationships (LDR)? She’s being a smartass all over again’. Well guess what, I can and will be a smartypants about this because yes, I am in a LDR, so sit down and listen.
I met him when he was studying college here in my country, and when he decided that he had to go back because it was the best for our future, he left. If asked whether or not I begged him to stay, the answer is no. For those who are shrieking asking WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF the most polite answer I can give is that he was right. He wasn’t born here, so he has to pay immigration free monthly to stay here. He has a better chance of having a good life where he really lives. And if he really did plan on building a future for us, then where he is was not such a terrible place to be. (The impolite answer is of course, it’s none of your fucking business so bugger off)
I’m not the one to state the obvious, but I’m going to say it anyway: it sucks. Imagine spending those special dates alone, third-wheeling with other couples even if you’re not single, constantly wondering what the hell is going on over where they are, whether or not they’re thinking of you too or even cheating on you. The paranoia is real. And yet you see people, songwriters and writers alike, making love songs and novels about these things. Romanticizing long distance relationships is just plain rude for couples who are actually in one. It doesn’t feel nice for the most part. And if anyone is getting money for that, it should be us. After you feed off of our pain, you might as well give it to us so we could actually travel to where they are and get the relationship we’ve always wanted.
There are the perks, which includes the semi-freedom to do whatever you want. The 20 somethings is the perfect time to explore for your personal growth, and oftentimes having a relationship can hold you back. You’re too young to get tied up, but too old to play around with love, so it feels like the kind of relationship you would need in this fast-paced time of your life. You can fill this time in your life with unforgettable moments and memories you hold to yourself and brag to your kids and grandkids. But really, who wants all that fun without that other person along with you, joining in on all the adventures?
The most difficult part of it all is when there are moments of extreme highs and lows in your day that you just needed to tell them and you’d realize that they’re not there with you to notice it. And when there is time for you tell them, the feeling is not as extreme. It’s but a mere fact, a part of your day. And then it would become tedious, asking the same questions of ‘How was your day’ or ‘What have you been doing’ over and over again. Basically, long distance relationships are like a skip to the old couple period. The repetition, frustration, and the desperation is extreme and painful.
If asked, I wouldn’t wish this relationship on anyone because it would have been a terrible thing to curse upon someone. Having someone and yet not really having them is what it feels like. It takes a great toll on people who are in it, I wouldn’t lie. I’ve had my own limits tested myself, and it crushed me. We were both to blame about it, and laughing and crying at the same time is such a weird feeling I wouldn’t recommend to anyone.
I am often asked how I handle it, and my answer would always be I don’t know but I just do. I do it because I know I can, and he does the same. Because I love him. Crazy about him. That’s how I handle it.
If asked if it hurts, it does. Like hell. Imagine tugging your chest to half the world away with no whatsoever control or choice about it. Imagine having that empty space beside you that is reserved for someone but would or could not be filled. Imagine knowing where you’re supposed to be somewhere but cannot be where it is, or with whom. There’s always going to be a gap, like a cup with a hole on the bottom. Never filled, never brimming.
If asked if this is how I intend my relationship to always be, the answer would obviously be no. At some point, hopefully, it will be different if not better. Until when, I don’t know. But I have to try for now.