What 2016 Made Me Realize

Remember when Kylie Jenner said 2016 was a year of realizing stuff? That lady is a shaman. Because it was true.

1. It’s okay to want new things.

Everyone who knows me will tell you straight away that I am a chicken girl. I love chicken, especially the thigh part. Bur thanks to a lot of short cooking videos, I have learned to like fish, particularly salmon. Salmon is my favorite fish. Cook it in any way and I will eat it. I’m like Jennifer Coolidge in A Cinderella Story. I need more salmon! And guess what? I like it better than chicken. And I think it’s okay to want something new after a few years of wanting the same thing.

2. There is nothing wrong with looking back.

When I was a kid, I was the girliest hoe out there. You can blame Legally Blonde too, because that movie was my anthem. I loved pink, everything pink. Then I grew up and changed into blue. I thought my pink-girly phase was over until last night on new year’s eve, when my family chose pink as the color theme for this year. There is always a part of my blue-loving self that will love pink. There’s nothing wrong with it.

3. It’s nice to feel afraid.

Now I don’t mean when someone is attempting to murder you that you would still feel nice about it. I’m talking about those times when you suddenly feel your heart leap, your pulse go fast, and your breath taken away. It’s a sign that you’re alive. To me, those kind of experiences are hard to find. For example, I like scary movies but scary movies don’t like me. Because I am a lousy viewer and reactor. Every time I watch a scary movie, I rarely get that feeling. I want to experience it more this 2017. Thus, #ayearofYES2017.

4. You find that one purpose in what you you and whatever it is, keep it.

The only reason I wake up and try to go to work every morning is because of my students. Not my salary. Not because my boss will look for me. It’s them. As much as they make me mad, sad, and cry, they inspire me to do it over and over again every week day. I love and hate them for it. I wish they knew that. I hope no matter how many students pass through me, I still have this kind of inspiration.

As for everyone else, go find that one thing. And if you can’t find it, maybe it’s time to look somewhere else.

5. Don’t disregard that change of heart and mind. It might be a sign.

Over the year, my perceptions of some people changed. People do change after all, but sometimes it takes a while to accept that when you’ve built this image of them in your head. And when they’re so different from it, it’s so hard to shake. You want them to be what you perceived them to be but the thing is they can’t. They have to be who they are, and what they are is something you cannot control.

And the thing about these epiphanies is that sometimes they can be exhilarating.

6. You’ll be more burdened with the things you didn’t do than the things you did.

I wish I did a whole lot more last year, but I don’t know, I guess life got ahead of me. And then at the end of year, I would whine about it when it’s my fault. I can’t keep doing that shit over and over again. I’m getting older. And if the people around me are too afraid to take that risk, I don’t want to be like them. Misery loves company. I don’t want to be miserable like them.

Knock knock mom and dad, your first born is a grown ass woman now. Loosen the leash, will you? You’ve trained me well anyway.

7. Finish what you started even if you’re tired, and when you’re done, finally rest.

Oh graduate school, you were so fun. But I’m drained out. Work is killing me. Don’t worry, I will push you through. I won’t give up. I just hope you won’t give up on me too.

Just like that saying, rest but don’t quit. Or in my words, chill but never kill. It. The task. Get it?

8. If you want to dance by yourself, THEN FUCKING DANCE.

People underestimate how much I love to dance by myself. Sadly, I haven’t done that in a while. But when I do, my soul is happier. So audience or no, I will do it. Because it makes me happy even if I look stupid.

Find that thing that makes you stupidly happy and do it.

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