If This is What Adulting Feels Like, This is What I Learned

I’ve been an official adult for three years, and maybe I’m a late bloomer or an early one. It depends on one’s perspective. And I could just be having a moment, and then next thing you know by tomorrow I’m back to being a lost puppy in the city of maturity. But if this is it- the moment that we’re all waiting and dreading- then these are the things that I have learned.

Money is not about saving, it’s about putting it to good use. I have to admit, and we all do, that we could not help but wonder where our money goes. Sometimes we like to delude ourselves that they disappear out of thin air or an imaginary entity took it away, but we all know the truth. You can have big savings and guess what? It will be a waste if the next thing you know, you’re dead. (Knock on wood)

I like to invest in memories and experiences, but I also don’t forget to secure my future. The first year of my work, I already got my life insurance policy. Initially it was because I did not have the slightest idea what to do with my money (until I found my expensive hobby of concert going). Later on, I found out its purpose. I won’t be reaping from the benefits now, but with a future that’s uncertain, at least there is one thing I’m sure of- if I live to reach 42, I’m financially secure af.

I’m not asking you to do the same as I do, because your heart might not be in it. You find your happiness- people, memories, experiences- and don’t be afraid to invest or spend on them. Knowing what you really want and need, whatever it is, nothing could be wrong, and allot your money on it. You won’t have regrets.

Friendship does not require constant companionship. I like to joke that I have no friends, and that’s okay with me. It seemed appropriate to say given my social anxiety. The truth is, I have friends. They’re great, and I feel tremendously lucky to have them in my life. And it does not and should not come as a surprise that adulting can result in less meetups, girls night out, and sessions that last until the sunrise. That doesn’t mean the friendship ends or becomes dormant. Why do you think social media exists? I’ll get to that on the next one.

I don’t have the time and energy and sometimes money to meet up with my friends, but we find the time to check on each other through Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. And it feels like youre updated. Besides, you can have some follow-up chats about it in person. It won’t feel like you haven’t seen each other in forever.

Of course nothing beats meeting them in person with a couple of wine or beers, maybe over coffee. Traveling together is a great way to know them better and spend time with them too, with a different environment and circumstance. But when there are time and financial (LOL) constraints, instant messaging is not so bad. You know friendship is real when it endures time and distance.

Social media is not something you have to hate or shun away from if you use it wisely. I know a few people who tell me they don’t like Facebook because their feeds give them a brain tumor by friends who post and share irresponsibly. When I hear them say it, it makes me think of either two things- they’re incredibly snobby or they don’t know how to utilize their social media correctly.

If you don’t like what you see, unfollow. If you don’t like the person in general, unfriend. If you don’t want strangers to mind your own business, make your profile private. Technology is humankind’s greatest achievement, next to the teacup pig. It’s not your fault other people don’t use it properly or is abusing its potential. You can only change what you can control, which is most of the time, just yourself.

I like social media because it makes me able to share my expressions, hopefully helping someone or simply just to relate to. I learn a lot from it, gaining my storage of unnecessary facts that I still like to know. I get to meet people from across the country and the world and learn from them in return. I recently joined a Facebook group about the Hulu series The Handmaid’s Tale, and it feels so good to know people who are as passionate with it as I am. I know that I am not alone, I mean I’ve always known that, but it just assures me even more. This I wish my skeptic friends knew.

Dating is supposed to be easy when you know what you want. Just yesterday, I went through Matthew Hussey’s YouTube channel. It’s never early to go through a self help phase, especially when it comes to relationships. I’ve only ever had one serious relationship. Does that make me a loser? No! Does that make me choosy? Yes! And I don’t mind it one bit.

You can never attract what or who you want when you don’t know what you need. Some might want casual relationships, and that’s okay. Some crave for serious, long-lasting relationships, and that’s okay too. The key is to know what you want, and look for the same species as you. If one wants caszch (short for casual, but not really) and the other wants the real deal, well they can’t really date now, can they?

My very brave friend messaged me and told me how he likes someone at the moment and confessed his feelings and intentions for the girl. It made me so happy! It was because I wish all people were like that. The what ifs are harder to bear than the oops. It’s better to be flat out vocal and honest to yourself and the one you’re eyeing on than drag it along, hoping it will change. Of course, as a friend, I’m totally pining for his crush to work. And when my time comes too, I will be as brave as him.

Hygiene with yourself and your surroundings doesn’t have to be painful. Style can evolve and return, but comfort is forever. Just like any normal human being, I went through every possible phase I can go through in my lifetime. And often, it was not because of some deep reason, but because I wanted to belong. It’s fun to look back at it that I feel bad for the others who didn’t, because their childhood sucked. When I was a kid, I loved dressing up. And I still do.

My wardrobe is a mess of girly dresses, military jackets, and sports tees. Does that mean I don’t have a concrete personality? Of course not. But the truth is I keep them because I feel comfortable and well, pretty damn good in them. And when I do buy them, I only think of two things- do I look and feel good in them? If both, and it has to be, answers yes then that’s only when I get it.

Same goes with my things. There’s nothing wrong with spending your Sundays organizing your tupperwares (I just did that earlier), accessories (I used labels!), or your workspace or apartment. Self help books know a thing or two about how tidying up helps you subconsciously. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

There will be times when you want to do everything or nothing, don’t resist it. I’ve had my fair share of quarter life crises for the past year, and when I dealt with it poorly, it lashed out on me. The consequences sucked, but I can only look back at it now, not change it. Along the line, I forgot who I was, what I wanted and needed. I zombied my way through it and I gained nothing.

Someone told me there was a specific time in your life that will be a point in reference for everything else in your life. To me, it was different. I am slowly and gradually changing, wanting and needing different things, but one thing is constant- I don’t want to fight it anymore. 

There are many things that I want to achieve. I want to reach my full potential, though I don’t know it yet. But I try every day, even if it seems too much and it’s overwhelming. At least I did something about it.

And then there are times when I don’t want to do anything (cue Bruno Mars’ song), because maybe I want to rest or take a timeout. Maybe I want to be a bum for a day or two. I indulge myself with it as well. Being a superhero teacher sometimes takes a toll on you, you know? But you never give up, you just rest. I don’t want to be called a quitter like in The Pacifier.


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