Things That Are Not Taught in College But Totally Should

As a new adult (I’ve just officially merged into the zombie kingdom last year), there are a lot of things that I still don’t know after college. I want to go back to my university and give back my diploma, saying ‘You need to take this back, I’m not ready for this’, like a prodigal son to the school debt system. I only felt more ignorant than I already did, unprepared for the next thirty years of my life.

And so as an educator and possibly future college professor (because apparently four years of torture is not enough for me), if I had a chance to create a new curriculum for general subjects in college, here are the additional courses to take. These will be in the syllabus of every single profession in university:

1. Tax 101: What is tax? Why should we file our taxes? Why should we be scared if we don’t file our taxes? Will we go to jail if we don’t file our taxes?

2. Tax 102: How do we file our taxes? How do we know what to file? What benefits do we get if we file our taxes correctly? How long do we stay in jail for if we don’t file/cheat on filing our taxes?

3. Salary Budgeting: Just how much of my salary can I allot to my Star Wars collection before I starve to death?

4. Food and Health: Can I live out of eating pizza alone? What if it has vegetables, can I live out of that? Can I not drink water and just chocolate milk? Is butter a carb?

5. Dynamics of Family: How long is the acceptable time for me to live with my parents after graduating? How do I tell my parents that I am going to move out of the house? Or how do I tell them that I will never, EVER leave?

6. Advance But Actually Basic Home Economics: How do we do laundry? How do we distinguish which clothes are for hot and cold water? How do we erase stains? Do I really have to wash the dishes every day? Is it possible for me to not take a shower for a week without smelling like a hobo?

7. Pharmacy for Non-Drug Dealers: Will taking more than one pill/tablet kill me or will it make me heal faster? How many pills/tablets can I take before I overdose? Can I take expired pills or will I die from them? Can someone overdose from ascorbic acid? What about morning after pills?

8. Sex Education for Consenting Adults: What sex positions could possibly kill me or my partner? What exactly does a yeast infection look like? Can I die from an STD? What exactly can make me pregnant? (Some people are still very stupid on this subject)

9. Everything About Cars: What car should I get depending on my preferences? How do you change a spare tire? What do we do when the engine dies? Or if it is overheated?

10: Human Relations: Up to what extent can I be sarcastic and rude without hurting anyone? How can I tell if someone has mental issues? How do we deal with people with these kind of issues? How do we deal with our own?

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