I was inspired by this completely hilarious article, and so I decided to make one of my own! I’ve been having struggles with all my crushes, I should start breaking up with them. Kekeke.
I know this may come as a surprise, I’m not the type who writes cheesy, sappy love letters. Not unless you’re Tom Felton. But anyways, I write you today with an intention of telling you something quite important. And not to prolong it any further, here it goes: I think we should stop this crusher-crushee relationship.
Okay before you throw fits and come rushing to my place, allow me to explain. It would be such a waste of space if I didn’t do so, right? So yeah, back to the topic. Sorry, I get so unfocused. Haha. *awkward silence*
Don’t get me wrong, I think you’re great! Your mysterious vibe just always lures me back to you. I never really knew the real you, and I wanted to figure you out so bad. Also, you’re such a total tease. How you always make me feel comfortable, and then just leave me hanging. And when I’m about to move on, you come back and make me go on the endless cycle all over again. Yes, those were good times, weren’t it? This was the best unrequited relationship I’ve ever had, really. Before I would have crush on every single attractive guy I could lay eyes on. But you changed me, I was willing to settle on having a crush on you and you alone.
But right now, I have to confess that my giddyness for you has subsided. No, scratch that, it’s like a total depression. It slided way back, probably because I don’t get to see you anymore. Whereas for Tom Felton, I see him every single day when I open my Tumblr account. I don’t flinch when I see you online on Facebook anymore (you give me that feeling, yes), nowadays I’m more like ‘Meh’ and then chat some other guy whom I’d prefer to have a conversation than you. And you’re kind of like a douche now. But I guess when you really have a crush on someone, you will accept them for whoever they are. And I couldn’t. So I had to un-crush you. I know it will be hard for us to move forward, I thought we had something special too, believe me.
Now before you go jumping off a building to kill yourself, please do not think that your life has no meaning anymore. There will be other girls who would have a crush on you, eventually. Someone who is more of an idiot than I am. Naaah, I was kidding. No, really.
I hope we can stay friends? Tell you what, I’ll hook you up with one of my friends to find something attractive about you. I highly doubt it, but who knows right? And when they do, I’ll come to you ASAP. And you can play with her feelings as soon as possible, okay?
I’ll see you around!
Much unrequited love,