A Letter To My 29-Year-Old Self

I don’t know if you believe in signs, but yesterday I watched New Girl and it contained the video of Nick Miller rocking a beard telling future Nick that Caroline ruined his life and that he should not be fooled anymore if ever the time comes she decides to do it again. Let’s not forget the poem: Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day; No, a summer’s day is not a bitch. Literary genius, I tell you. And then my friends were saying something on Twitter about writing a letter to themselves after ten years. It’s actually really exciting to do, even a video would be cool. But knowing that I have a tendency either to lose things or keep them but never remember where, I rely to the power of my glorious blog and the internet. See? The internet isn’t so bad.

Dear Future Airah,

Greetings! I am Airah from the past, particularly last 2012. If you’re reading this past that year, then congratulations, you’re not such a klutz after all. And the Mayans were dead wrong, not that it’s their intention to scare everyone, we all get tired of doing the same old crap anyway.

I do hope you’re doing fine, are you a teacher now? If you are, are you slowly dying? Do the kids irritate you? Do you have white hair now? If the answers are all yes, then let me tell you a little story. Remember when you were still in Sunday School? Your mom practically dragged you into it, singing for choir, dance¬†choreographs, and then leader in summer camp? I know, you were active then, I bet you’re still not anymore are you? I thought as much. It was practically tiring, plus you spent your time with people half your age. But you still did it, and it wasn’t because you think your mom will kill you if you don’t, or your pastor will be disappointed, but you thought of them. Those bundles of energy that almost bounced off the walls, and how somehow you couldn’t quit even if you’re dead tired. You did it for them, which is why you’d make a great teacher. It isn’t about the money, because frankly there’s barely money out of being a teacher. It’s the responsibility and urge to impart knowledge selflessly. It’s like being Jesus, you give all the wisdom you can give, and not ask for anything at all. Sure, you need the money, but that’s not why you wake up early in the morning for your summer job then. It was for them, not you. They’re the reason why you keep going. You’re such a selfless person, you think it’s a weakness so you hide it. It’s not a curse.

I’m guessing you’ve stopped writing now, even in your diary maybe. Do you remember the times you stress out and get headaches just to finish your fanfictions? How you read the dictionary and other novels and use varieties of techniques on your writing? Remember how you scream like a fan girl whenever you receive a review? When you think how on earth do they like your work when somehow you can’t seem to get enough of editing it? Yes there was a thrill to it wasn’t there? The late nights were no match to the euphoria you felt on extracting your thoughts in paper or in your laptop. Who cares if your leg couldn’t stand the heat and is full of radiation? It made you happy didn’t it? If you weren’t a teacher, you could have been a writer. Don’t deny it to yourself. Now, who says you can’t be both? You have a gift for self-help books. You have a wide imagination (If you know what I mean). Your vocabulary sometimes surprises you yourself. It’s extra income! You can go to UK and stalk Tom Felton like you plan to. Is he married to Emma Watson now? No? It’s either you or her, so if the answers are both no, then you have to do something about that ASAP. But then again, Rupert Grint could be a good alternative.

Speaking of men, are you still single? If yes, I ought to slap you in the face. WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BEING A TEACHER? You’re going to have a hard time finding a guy. Hate to say I told you so. You’re going to end up like those teachers you had then. Do you want that? Do you want to spend the rest of your life alone? With cats? All those jokes about being a crazy cat lady, it’s close isn’t it? Well, I don’t know why you’re still single. I mean, I don’t know, maybe either men are still shallow in the future or you’re still selling yourself short. You deserve someone, you have so much love to give, more than enough for your family and friends and all your students. I know you’re tired of hearing this crap all the time from yourself and your friends who are probably married now, but don’t ever ever EVER sell yourself short all right? You deserve more than you think you do. The hell with those guys who think you’re nothing special, you don’t need them. Never let them make you think of yourself lower than you are, moreover differently. Someone out there understands the bizarre things you like, how you’re still a Harry Potter fan (I assume you do, who gets over HP?), and that you like chocolates and bananas that’s why you prefer choco-banana shakes, and how you want to adopt every abandoned stray animal in the world but know you can’t. You just have to keep your eyes and mind open. I know Tom is a very, VERY high standard.

So I guess that’s all. I hope I gave you an answer to some things you have in mind, which is why you’re looking back in the first place. Where you are right now, be happy and proud of it, you’ve come a long way. And it’s only the beginning. Never forget who you really are along the way.

Past Airah

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